Victoria Acuña Pakoti 🍪 arty farty intersectionality is the way my cookie crumbles 🍪 ♿disabled 🌴polynesian-latinx 🎨storyteller 🍃mystic 🌿legally stoned 🏳️‍🌈 she/they
154 posts
318 following

What ‘coming out’ feels like

(note: people shouldn't feel pressured to come out unless they feel safe)
in honor of endometriosis awareness month, look at how glowy, yet super serious i am in this bts aka one of my failed attempts at my first disability video for youtube aka my coming out: "stuff nobody tells you about having a chronic illness." it's nerve wracking to find, for your first-time, the first words to express your relationship to illness in a public space. it's painful, clumsy, sweaty (hence the glistening glow) your brain feels on the verge of implosion; pretty sure i had a panic attack straight after i uploaded the finished video. i exposed myself more than i ever had before & guess what? it was worth it.
one of the lessons chronic illness continues to teach me is how necessary staying out of your comfort zone is for your personal growth. you could say my situation has made me a masochist & you could be right, but i'd like to see it more as focusing on the light, seeing the magic i spy as i swim through the darkness. like dory (finding nemo), i just keep swimming, keep my heart open to beauty. the strength i find in embracing myself completely, even the ugliest parts, feels akin to spinning around a mountain top screaming at the top of my lungs, “the hills are alive with the sound of music."

[video description: hd view of victoria as they stare to look at themself in the camera, teasing their teal hair cut in a short wavy bob, wearing a turquoise round flowery earrings & a dinosaur crop top]

comment 4 star 44 6 days ago

🙏 p e r s p e c t i v e 🙏

the victoria of the past enjoyed abled-passing privilege, but was, how ever, perpetually trapped in a toxic relationship with self-denial & shame. my internally ableist feelings toward my disabilities had deep insecure roots in me that kept me from owning my body for what it is.

personally, i believe i was missing out on more before than now, in my full disabled glory. ♡
📷 cred: @jazzacuna
[image description: victoria is cut out against a deep magenta background, posing toward the camera in her matching multicolored satin suit, holding her black hat on her small head & bold deep magenta lipstick]

comment 4 star 56 2 weeks ago

⚠️you would never know if you've only seen me online or in my wheelchair, but i'm a t a l l girl with t a l l dreams. don't underestimate us disabled folk, we are everywhere, we're united & we're always ready to start some anarchy 🙃
& by that i mean, dismantling oppressive systems through ⚠️

[image description: a green filtered portrait photo of victoria in her wheelchair at a concert, she wears orange plastic sunnies, complimenting a lavender lip, long wavy fringed wig tucked in a violet white scarf & robed in linen]

comment 6 star 81 2 weeks ago

🥀d o l o r 🥀
⚘ latin meaning for pain ⚘

i imagine if i would write & starred in a film based on my life that greta gerwig would direct, it'd look a lil something like this ⚘
📷 cred: @_jazzacuna_
[image description: victoria is focal point, looking wistfully as if deep in thought, her dark lipstick compliments her pixie cut locks & striped long sleeve]

comment 2 star 51 2 weeks ago

In the words(ish) of the smiths: -
ask me why i'm still ill & i'll -
s p i t
i n
y o u r
e y e 👁🖕
[image description: black & white (purple-grey tone) collage portrait of victoria in their wheelchair, wearing a long wavy wig and a backwards cap on, matching velvet lounge wear & blank/ tired expression]

comment 2 star 66 3 weeks ago

🏳️‍🌈 n o n b i n a r y p r i d e 🏳️‍🌈
🏳️‍🌈 love from a genderqueer demigirl (she/they) who always felt alien in their gender, always felt natural in fluidity & only came to realise through unlearning her misconceptions that there's a reason they've always felt envious of the gender non-conforming.
[image description: victoria is looking away while leaning head against hand, while the edges of her lips softly hold a paper straw in a coke drink. her hair is short & green/blue in a magenta beanie, teal lipstick, magenta puffer jacket with teal jumper. the image is cut out & placed at the edge of the frame, displayed behind is a demigirl gender pride flag]

comment 8 star 84 3 weeks ago

Ableds when they see me leave my wheelchair: *stares in shock & disbelief*
me when i notice: *stares back in idgaf cos folks be heckin' ignorant with their ableist assumptions*
ambulatory wheelchair-users exist everyone, do yourself a favour & watch @annieelainey to educate on this topic further, i 👏 dare 👏 you 👏 -
📷 photo cred: @_jazzacuna_
[image description: @sarahbahbah inspired sepia toned photo of showing victoria walking past & staring into the camera whilst yellow subtitles underneath her read: stares back in disabled]

comment 5 star 157 3 weeks ago

🕯memory lane of the ill 🕯 •
"yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, but today is a gift. that's why it is called the present."

seeing the victoria of my past (in this photo i was 20 & exploring the americas) feels like looking through a rift to an alternate reality

my adventures reflected a classic middle-class entrance into my early twenties; juggling a double fine arts degree at uni, part-time job, a social life, travel & feeding the monster that is my ambition

however much it hurts to look back & see how fortunate i was, how well & able, no matter how hard it is to muse on the past & see the stark differences, i have to remind myself to leave my memories behind me. as much as i envy my past self for their precious innocence & naive dreams, i truly believe my past self should envy the me of today. whether we like it or not, pain can be the ultimate teacher if we allow it to show us our true nature & let it shed us of ego & pretense •
2019 victoria is the best & only version of myself i would choose to live as. to say this & actually mean it? wow, it just goes to show how true the saying goes about how much pressure makes the diamond

📷 photo cred: @_jazzacuna_
[image description: beach photo of victoria is running & smiling across the frame, a soft golden sunset lighting her from behind]

comment 6 star 47 4 weeks ago

🌿 it's 420 season 🌿
¡ ¡ l e g a l i s e m a r i j u a n a ! ! 🌿
see me here, at a lauryn hill concert last week, legally high on medical grade w**d & happy as a s****d clam 🌿
after all the pain i've had to endure & adjust to over the years, recently going ever-downhill from worse to worser, i never dreamed i would feel such relief from medicine & experience such giddy hope for my future again
that's right, as of about a month ago, i've been officially prescribed medical marijuana by a magical doctor (who i'm eager to share the deets of for anyone who's located in melbourne & needs medical green)
i'm overwhelmed, grateful to be so blessed in 2019 & eager to share my experience, which so far has easily the best treatment i've ever tried in my life... & i've tried a heckin' lot
🌱 [image description: victoria is holding a blue drink & looking off in a daydream, wearing a long lavender wig w/ fringe, wrapped in a purple-pink scarf, orange sunnies & a linen robe. surrounding the pic is a cannabis themed background in green & soft light pink]

comment 22 star 68 4 weeks ago

Life hack for insomniacs🌙
🌟 nobody can tell how little you sleep if your under-eyes are shimmering⭐ shout out to past victoria on her 23rd birthday rocking gold stars under her eyes 🌟

[video description: victoria moves her head from side to side to demonstrate the glittering of the stars under her eyes]

comment 6 star 43 October 2018

💤🌜my under-eye dark circles are the one giveaway of an endless fight to stay awake & failure to fall asleep🌛 insomnia is just one of the "perks" of life with m.e💤

📸 cred: @_jazzacuna_

[image description: a sepia image of victoria posing like she's over it wearing a an over the shoulder top, image bordered by a grey brown solid colour]

comment 14 star 85 October 2018

New vid (finally)☕🍪 to talk about: the complications of mould poisoning, ageing, religion & current obsessions / tea & bicky 03 [cc] 🍪☕ after a long absence i am back to the youtube ✌ (link in description)✌

[image description: black and white image of victoria is looking bothered, with the words 'where have i been? long story' written in white text & faded stars decorating the background]

comment 3 star 38 October 2018