Instagram Public Photos with #bulimiarecovery

I want to talk about something that many recovery accounts don’t really talk about: relapse.

most of the time when you see photos of people in recovery, it’s like the end destination. that they’ve left their eating disorder behind and now they’re fine. wonderful thought, right?

but what about when things start to get bumpy again, and suddenly you feel like you’re failing because ‘those people online seem to have just moved on from it’.

the reality is that you’re likely to relapse. you might just slip up at a meal, but manage to get on track soon enough, or you might have a traumatic event happen and suddenly your ed is front and centre again.

our eds are what we know. it’s torture, but it’s comforting in an odd way.

but how we deal with relapse is the most important thing. not the spending every waking hour trying to avoid it, but knowing that it can happen, and that you can choose how to tackle it.

on the left, it was my 21st birthday. i had just had to leave uni because i was too ill to continue. i was sick, but i also gave in. i wanted it to all end. and by all, i mean everything.

fast forward to now, i’m in a relapse again. but the difference? i still wake up every single day and try my d**n hardest to not let it win. it feels like i’m fighting a losing battle most of the time at the moment, but there’s not a chance in hell my ed is going to make me think that ending my life is the only way forward.

i’ve been in recovery for 8 years, and i’ve relapsed countless times in that time. some much worse than others. but i’m still here.

i believe that ya ed fighters are susceptible to it now, as the voice lures us into the comforting familiarity of it all when things get stressful, things happen, life gets tough.

we can’t spend our life scared of relapse, but we can choose how we will face the relapse head on.

we won’t let it win. we are stronger than we think. and honestly, i think we’re some of the most resilient and strongest people on the planet, because those who have never experienced an ed, will never know how hard it is to fight the voice in your head every single day over something most people can do without even thinking twice about.

comment 43 star 550 1 weeks ago

#thisisrecovery365 | 70/365
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i was trying to explain this phenomenon to someone who’s never had an eating disorder: how when i was in the middle of my eating disorders e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g was all about food & what it did to me. my life was consumed by it. you’d never expect so much time & energy & devotion & resources to be put towards this thing called food and eating but it is. eating disorders grow until they take up so much space in your life that there’s no space for anything else.
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while explaining this i struggled with the words to fully encapsulate just how radically overtaken your life is by food. not just every morsel that goes in your mouth, but every morsel that doesn’t go in your mouth. not just every calorie counted or burned off, but every calorie someone else consumed or burned off. yes, you even become obsessed with other people’s food. you watch what others eat, how others eat, when others eat and you think they’re watching you.
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your family & friends slowly slip to the back burner as you begin choosing your food behaviors over them. your food behaviors become what you know. what comforts you. what’s familiar. what you’re in control of. as this becomes your primary focus, using your food behaviors to get relief from your pain, your world begins getting smaller & smaller until all that exists within it is you and your calories and your food and it’s all so secret that no one else can know.
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my world is slowly (painfully slow but slowly) getting bigger again as i heal and recover. it now includes things like meals out and conversations and visiting in time slots where my food behaviors used to take place. it includes focus during the day on the tasks at hand instead of focus on what calories are going in my body next and what they will do to my shape. it includes taking care of myself from the inside out. it includes a mind free from the obsession that imprisoned me for so long. it includes coping skills that have nothing to do with food.
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your recovery will include these things too. know that every day you’re working towards it is worth the fight. every ounce of effort is worth it.
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keep going.
i believe in you.
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love from here,
xx

comment 114 star 1,286 6 days ago

I don’t usually post transformation pics, but i’ve been needing to remind myself lately of all the progress i’ve made. in the picture on the left, i was midway through my eating disorder and very sick. i had been starving myself, purging, and obsessing over calories for months in secret. my body was frail, and my heart rate was dangerously low, leading me to faint twice in class. i was slowly killing myself and didn’t even know or really care, because i would rather have been thin than alive. a little less than a year after that pic was taken, i was put in partial hospitalization treatment for my eating disorders. treatment was really hard at times, but i made so much progress and found friends who i consider family (you know who you are😘). i still struggle every day with my eating disorder and i’m a work in progress, but i know that that’s okay. i look at this picture now and i feel proud of how far i’ve come, even if i’m still fighting💪🏼

comment 71 star 717 6 days ago

So. breakfast. breakfast was a chocolate chocolate chip muffin, a little banana, and raspberries. twas wonderful. then i got lots of stuff done! which was also wonderful. then work. less wonderful. but, i ate goldfish there. and the weather was beautiful. so, it was bearable. haha
dinner was some leftover pasta and garlic bread! but the garlic bread was a rock! so i didn’t eat it. instead i had another little banana and an apple with peanut butter. a bit later, i had some chocolate ice cream. and that’s that!
how was your wednesday?

comment 14 star 535 4 days ago

I know life can be difficult, but no matter what is happening around you and no matter what your eating disorder is telling you, you need to eat.
your eating disorder is lying to you when it says that you will be stronger and have more control by not eating. it in fact, not eating will only make you less equipped to handle the day, hungry and irritable. i know it is difficult, but it won’t always be so hard. hold on for that day fighter. you got this one moment at a time ♥️♥️
#embracingmytrueself #recoveryispossible #recoveryisworthit #motivationmonday

comment 13 star 569 9 hours ago

Meet @seanee__
・・・
ppd|• soon after ariana was born i noticed that i didn’t feel the same high that i felt after having milo. i didn’t have the longing to console ariana when she was crying as i felt she was deliberately crying just to make me angry. i didn’t feel happy for helping my baby to grow when i fed her, but instead would get angry at her for needing fed.
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as the (long) days went on, i kept snapping at the kids. i was always thinking about how life would be better without the kids. every time someone saw me with ariana and asked “is she a good baby?” (why do people ask this btw), i wanted to scream at them that i didn’t like her and that she made me miserable. i honestly felt that i had made a mistake having kids and that i wasn’t cut out to be a mum. i also felt guilty that my children ended up with me as their mum instead of someone that could do a better job.
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i went to see the health visitor for ariana’s checkup and she asked how i was coping. i couldn’t hold my emotions in any longer - i let it all out and i told her the truth about how i had been feeling. if noah was about he would of had to build another ark because man did i cry a flood of tears!
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it’s going to sound crazy, but when i was told i had postpartum depression i felt relieved. i realised that i wasn’t a bad mum. i realised that my kids didn’t hate me...i realised that i just wasn’t well. ~
fast forward a few months of consistently taking anti-depressants, and i am starting to gradually feel better in myself. i still have bad moments and bad days, but i’m pretty certain that the worst has past and that it will keep getting better from here. i love both my babies, my babies love me and i am a good mum. “one of the worst parts about symptoms of postpartum depression & anxiety is that they don’t feel like symptoms...they feel like who you are”.

comment 11 star 911 1 weeks ago

Believe in yourself, cause you have more power in yourself than you know.

comment 13 star 734 2 weeks ago